i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
P.S. I can't hear my feet
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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