Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
