I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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