I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
