I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
