i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
