Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
