I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
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