Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
