you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
