Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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