If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
