It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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