the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
we're so committed to being not committed
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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