You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
