Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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