so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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