Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
