I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
