I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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