I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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