We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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