I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
