today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
