I like my sex mixed with concussions.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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