Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
