I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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