Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize