i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
