I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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