I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
