it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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