I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
