I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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