I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
