and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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