dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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