I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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