Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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