And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
