I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
