if i can run in heels then i can drive
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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