So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
