I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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