That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
