i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
