So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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