He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize