if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
