So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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