when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
