this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
it glows. i had to have it.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
