She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
When did we convert life to cartoon?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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