guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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