I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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