If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
