The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
