Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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