billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
