i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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