at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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