True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
