I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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