you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
