That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
where are my eyebrows?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
