she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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