he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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