And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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