She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
