i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
