His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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