I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
