Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
